Why are some people always single?




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    I will turn 31 next year and I’ve never had a relationship in my life, other than a few dates out with guys. I’m authentic, honest and always like to share true feelings and thoughts with my friends. I’m also deeply reflective, always thinking about how to become a better person. This may sound hypocritical, but I simply enjoy being honest with myself, tackling problems head on, and becoming a better person – for me it’s how life should be.

    I honestly don’t know what went wrong. All I know is throughout my life, I always have genuine friends (usually 1–2 people at different stages of my life) who accept me for who I am, and I’m well liked for my cheery temperament. I don’t think I’m very popular, but I seldom have issues with people, unless they are bad people.

    The only problem is – I just haven’t met any guys who has developed a genuine friendship with me, and who is also single so we can take that friendship a bit further. The problem seems more serious as I grow older, as eligible men are fewer and fewer.

    But if you ask me whether I’ve been happy with my life overall, I’m proud to say I’ve tackled many challenges in my life so far and grown up to be a really good person. I’m probably among the few people in the world, who don’t have any shady past or dark secrets. I also never need a single drop of alcohol or distraction to escape from anything in my life. I’m continuing to grow more confidence, tap into more possibilities that life has to offer, and get more out of my comfort zone.

    As long as you don’t focus like a laser beam on my single status, or compare me with my peers, I’d say my life has been pretty good so far – yes it is a bit weird I’m still not in a relationship, but as an individual I think I’m doing fine.

    And yes maybe I’m not doing really well in the social department – dates, networking, parties, work lunches etc., but when I look at why I’m “not doing well” — there isn’t much to find about personal flaws etc. other than a general inconsistency with what everyone else is doing. Topics on social occasions (as well as early stage dates) are usually about holidays, food, family, sports, movies, gossip, etc.

    To be honest none of those topics genuinely interests me. For example, I don’t go travelling all the time, except for an odd one or two with my parents. I find books more helpful than expensive holidays in terms of helping me grow into a better person. My family are just my parents and I have nothing to gossip about my friends (they are good people). I don’t enjoy sports at all. I’m not obsessed with food and I tend to enjoy whatever I can find on a restaurant menu. I do enjoy movies a lot but unfortunately the only depth people tend to go into is “I really enjoyed that movie. It’s a good one.”

    Yet I don’t have much inhibition taking about what challenges I have conquered in my life, what insecurities I used to have, how I’m feeling about my current life, what my beliefs and personal values are. And if we go together to a specific event/activity that involves more than talking, I can usually throw in a couple of interesting comments so you are not bored – and as an extension, relating to you on some deeper level.

    I don’t know if it’s classic introvert behavior. But unlike many other introverts, I have no problem talking to people, making a public speech, being a spotlight on parties sometimes (I can be goofy and funny in the right atmosphere). It’s just most of the time I simply don’t have that much to talk about, which interests both you and me. I tend to go extremes, either being goofy, funny and playful (not talking about anything in particular), or talking about really deep and serious stuff. The usual daily trivia and gossip just has no appeal to me at all. The best I can do is tolerate it when other people choose to talk about it. And that conversational preference (odd as it is) indeed is an honest reflection of my own life — getting by with a minimalist lifestyle, not needing pop culture / holidays for distraction, and leading a rich inner life with books, movies and thinking.

    Of course I also go out to parks and museums – and when I’m there, I simply enjoy the moment without the need to talk much about it afterwards. I also appreciate many little moments of beauty in my life. Even a glimpse at my own mother’s smile under the sunlight can make my heart melt – for me it’s a mother’s most sublime expression of her love at her daughter. I’ve had many wonderful memories of this sort, which I’d love to talk about, but sadly for some reason not many people seem interested to listen (including on dates). But the fact that it’s difficult to bring it up on social occasions does not lessen the worth of my experience.

    So I guess I can’t really give a rational explanation of “why I’m always single”, other than the fact that I’m just unusual in many ways. Also due to my inability to talk about most socially accepted topics, I may have come across as weird and aloof to many people, which lessens the chance of guys being interested in me. My unusually simple lifestyle also makes social occasions often uncomfortable for me, which I don’t think is a reflection of my own insecurities, but more a fact that I just don’t have that much to talk about, because my life experience happens more in the inner world than in the outside world – but sadly for some reason people are more interested in “what’s happening in your life” than “what are you currently thinking / feeling?”

    Well, I don’t have much “action” going on in my life. Does that make me a boring person? But actually I feel very content with my life, and I find it easy to feel happy in every possible little way. It’s only when I feel pressured to show that I need to have something going on in my life, that makes me feel miserable.

    Answered on January 22, 2019.
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