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I know a gal, we’ll call her Lucy.
Lucy is a very attractive 39-year-old blonde gal. On paper and if you meet her, it seems like a no-brainer that she’d have no trouble meeting someone.
And to be fair she did. But she was always in and out of relationships and is twice divorced.
She would hangout with us occasionally.
Me: What happened to the BF?
Lucy: “Ugh, he was such a jerk. You wouldn’t believe what he did…reason 1,2,3,4,5”
Two months later:
Me: How’s BF2?
Lucy: “Ugh, he is such a jerk.” <same answer, a list of different reasons>
This happened over and over and over again.
She would describe huge fights she got in with these guys, screaming contests, throwing things at each other – you name it. Our conversations were certainly interesting.
But over the years, I’ve seen her go through guy after guy after guy.
It starts with her glowing and bragging about the guy to everyone, to within 1–3 months, spilling the beans on why everything fell apart.
I had a light-bulb moment one day as she was describing her latest breakup.
I’d met a couple of these guys and they seemed great – my jerk-dar never went off. But then I realized what it was.
As she detailed these men’s flaws to everyone. In every single breakup – no exceptions:
She never once listed a single thing she did wrong, absolutely zero. She was perfectly innocent in every breakup.
She wasn’t learning or taking responsibility from these experiences. And, because I know her I can say this: she was placing ridiculous demands on these guys.
But the takeaway here: being perpetually single is far more about personality than looks.
Lucy also taught me a new red flag in dating: be wary of anyone who spends the date bashing exes.
And to all you relationship-complainers, remember: it takes two to tango.
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