What are the 20 unspoken rules about living in America?

Mudassir Ali
Jan 22, 2020 09:07 AM 0 Answers
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Mudassir Ali
- Jan 22, 2020 09:08 AM

1 With exceptions like Manhattan, walking and cycling are forms of exercise, not transport.

2 Sherriffs are elected, and they get elected by looking after the locals, not by looking after you.

3 In rural areas, out-of-State licence plates are seen by authorities as a source of suspicion, and of income (see 2).

4 The police are not your friends. They might be, but don’t bank on it.

5 The same as 4, but substitute pet dogs instead of police.

6 Playing pool like you think is normal in the UK will get you in a fistfight. In particular, snookers, or any defensive play, is regarded as “dirty pool”. Better to go for your shots, lose the game, and keep your teeth.

7 Criticising local heroes will get you in a fistfight. Pointing out to a Missourian that Jesse James was a bankrobber is in this category. Facts are not your friend nor are the large number of local ”Jesse James robbed our bank” festivals.

8 “Rock n Roll” means any type of popular music, since the jazz age, which is not Country & Western. Rock, pop, indie, soul, Motown, rap, hip-hop, and all alloys of Metal.

9 The West starts about 1/4 of the way across the country, and the South starts just south of Washington DC

10 “back East” is a little corner on the top right-hand side.

11 “Asians” means Chinese, Vietnamese, etc, not Indians and Pakistanis.

12 “Muslims” means middle eastern Arabs, not Indonesians, not Turks, and definitely not the Nation of Islam.

13 9/11 means September 11, not November 9, and is a sacrosanct date, for clear and obvious reasons.

14 Buffalo wings originated in Buffalo. Not sure why this isn’t obvious, but it doesn’t seem to be.

15 Americans don’t learn religion in school. “Separation of Church and State” was intended to protect Churches from the State, not (as in France) to protect the State from the Church.

16 If you understand cricket, you can learn to understand baseball, but you will need an interpreter, and you might find it a bit rushed.

17 If you understand rugby league, you can learn to understand football, but you might find it a bit slow.

18 Squirrels are THAT BIG. Seriously, THAT BIG. No wonder they fucked up our puny red squirrels.

19 Coons means raccoons, don’t get over-excited when you hear it.

20. Lists should stop at 19.

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