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The attitude certain women possess towards men who are not visually appealing to them.
This incident actually happened few months back in college. The incident mainly revolves around 3 people :-
I had a close girl-friend at that time, let’s call her Jess, she was short and had okay looks.
She looked somewhat like the girl in this picture, but had a more tanned complexion look.
Then there was a studious guy in class, he was a Bengali from Ranchi and a really very hardworking person at the same time. He had a very jovial character and was sweet just like any other Bengali. He always used to help his batch mates in case they had any difficulties in any subject. He was average looking, just like most of us guys. Let’s call him Dipam.
Just for representational purpose, let’s say he looked somewhat like the person in the above picture.
Then there was a tall handsome guy in class, probably a bit more than 6’ 2. He was pretty average in studies but was liked by most of the girls because of his dashing looks. Lets call him Arnav.
He looked somewhat like the person in the above picture.
Now in this case Jess and I, were close friends . We used to share everything, whether it was discussing about our relationships with our parents, friends or anyone for that matter.
Then there was Dipam, the studious guy in class. Now, Dipam always had the habit of helping his friends whenever in need, like if any student missed certain lectures due to his/her ill health, he used to always try helping that student in whatever way possible. And just like any other normal jovial Bengali boy from a small town, he used to always tap his friends back (Boy or girl) in a friendly manner while greeting him/her, any prudent girl could definitely decipher the difference between a good touch and a bad touch.
One day Jess, Dipam and I were sitting in the same bench, side of each other (Dipam was sitting in the middle), while the lecture was going on. While the lecturer was dictating his notes, Jess was distracted in between and hence missed writing a few lines, Dipam was sitting beside her so he tried to write the missing points in her notebook, seeing this Jess got a bit pissed. Just after a few minutes, the lecture got over and we all left college and were on our way to our Hostels. While we were walking, the conversation between Jess and I went on like this :-
Jess – This Dipam’s a complete jerk, why the heck he had to interfere and try to write down the points I missed out during sir’s lecture ? I’m an independent woman, if he thinks by doing all this for me he’s trying to create a good impression front of me, he’s wrong.
Me – But dude, if I was in your place, he would’ve done the same thing. It’s not that he wants to create an impression front of you, it’s just his nature to care for his friends and he might’ve thought it’d be tough for you to study in case if you have any crucial points missing.
Jess – You don’t have to give me all these talks, I know what kind of a pervert he is. In class, he stares at all the girls including me continuously, which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.
[Disclaimer – a completely made up story because we’re from the same class and I can clearly see he does notdo that to her or any other girl]
Me – Dude, I know Dipam well, he’s not a pervert. Even if he has looked at you, it wasn’t with any ulterior motive. You’re completely taking this to an whole other level.
Jess – Yeah right, being a guy it’s easy for you to say all this. Only if one is a woman, one would come to the notice how tough life gets living in a society which consists of such pervert men.
Me – Say whatever you want, but my opinion about him is not going to change. He has a genuine habit of helping his friends, if you don’t want to be his friend or take any unwanted help from him, tell it to his face. But you have no right to label him as a pervert when he’s not.
Jess – Yeah whatever, you don’t know how disgusting it is when he keeps calling me Jassi Jassi How are you!!! Early morning in college. I don’t like when he addresses me as Jassi, why can’t he just call me by my name ? He’s treating me as if I am his girlfriend since a decade. Gosh eww, how can a girl like such a pervert like him anyways ?
Me – If you don’t like him addressing you with a pet name, tell it to him on his face. Simply why create a misunderstanding when he’s completely innocent ?
Jess – I don’t need to talk to such desperate men.
Me – He’s not desperate and that’s completely your wish if you don’t want to address that issue to him.
Few days passed and little did I know she started addressing this issue to other girls and boys in class by twisting the facts and saying –
“he tried touching me inappropriately many times but I cannot take this anymore, so many times he even tried following me while walking near the college vicinity”
After hearing this from another girl (Let’s call her Priya), I was completely shocked. Priya as well as I knew that Dipam can never do such a thing.
All those girls who believed her made up story were ready to go to meet the Dean of the college to raise this fake baseless issue about Dipam and rusticate him from college. But luckily Priya and I brought this to the notice of Dipam, Dipam was extremely hurt after hearing all this. He told us on one occasion coincidentally he came across Jess twice while walking near the college vicinity in the evening one day, and it was a completely not done on purpose, the very same day he even messaged her and gave his apology in case if she felt he tried following her. He even cried after college hours bitterly thinking about this incident, but just because he didn’t want any action to be taken against him in college, he went to Jess and apologized to her, although he knew he was completely innocent. Finally at the end the matter was put to rest after a lot of drama from her side.
After that incident, I felt disgusted as to what kind of person I even considered to be a friend of mine. But I still maintained friendship with her like a fool, just because I thought she would change someday.
When I hadn’t confronted her regarding the same as to why she had to start all this melodrama ? I got to hear the following :-
“My life is an open book, I will not hesitate to discuss facts regarding my life to anybody else as I do not believe in keeping any secrets”
One could actually sense the fake feminism tone in the statement she passed.
In my mind I was like –
“honestly ? open book ? At the cost of an innocent boy’s reputation ?”
Just then I realised that it was pointless talking to a girl with such a narrow minded approach and hence I just didn’t want to spoil my mood anymore talking to her that day.
But one day when Dipam was talking to a girl from another class, Jess wanted to make that girl aware about the story she cooked up in class about Dipam so that she (that girl) remains careful before talking to a pervert.
The same day college was over and when I was on my way back to my hostel, I was stopped by Jess and her bestfriend, Let’s call her M (who is apparently one of her bestfriends) When we were on our way back to our pgs, we 3 were having a casual conversation, that was the time Jess told M –
“M you know what, that creep Dipam has become close friends with a girl from the neighbouring class, I feel sad for her, she dosen’t know what kind of a pervert he is. You think it would be right on my part to tell her about what dirty kind of a person he is ?”
To which M replied –
“Yeah, Jess. It’s better you make that girl aware of what kind of a boy he is, before he ends up sexually harassing her as well.”
(M with the Bhartiya Nari Tone)
It was surprising all this was coming from M, a girl who I thought would stand up for what’s right, and not her bestfriend’s exaggerated story.
After hearing all this crap, I warned both of them as a close friend to not indulge in such a cheap practice otherwise they both would have to deal with the consequences if I bring it to the notice of Dipam and the higher authorities. They eventually agreed not to spread this.
Few days passed in college and one fine day, she tells me that Arnav (the hot dude I mentioned above) was sitting next to her in the college canteen while the break was going on. And the conversation went on like this :-
Jess – Hey dude you know what, yesterday Arnav was sitting next to me in the canteen during the college break. He looks so cute and handsome ya!
Me – Yeah, I know. So what do you want me to say now ?
Jess – Don’t you think we’ll look like a good couple ? (She and Arnav), He was asking me about my family, my close friends and all …. but you know what, I don’t think I’ll ever date him yaaar, we’re complete opposites. Many times he even tries to look at me during class hours, and he indirectly gives me hints that he likes me you know …..
Me – Huh? Date? Did he propose you or tell you that he likes you or something?
Jess – No, but I could see from his eyes that he likes me. But he’s just too hesitant to disclose it to me.
Me – How can you jump to a conclusion when he just spoke to you once ? -.-
Jess – I know he likes me okay, I don’t need to prove you anything. Why you’re asking all this ? You’re feeling bad about him liking me or something?
Me – Dude what?! Why would I feel bad ?! It’s just that you’re jumping into random conclusions when he has barely spoken to you. And he has a crush on a Senior already, why would he pass on signals to you ?
Then there was a complete silence for about 15 seconds 😂
Jess – Okay okay, anyways I don’t like to be at the receiving end. Even if he liked me it was just a crush from his side, nothing more.
Me – Cool, good for you.
Now everyone, you see the difference in ones approach ? Why wasn’t Arnav also termed a pervert like Dipam in this case ?
I’ll tell you one thing. To like or to dislike a person is totally a person’s personal choice, whether it’s based on looks or whatever else for that matter. One cannot change another person’s perception.
It’s human nature to prefer a beautiful person over a NOT SO BEAUTIFUL person.
Let’s say I’m looking for certain qualities in a girl, and I find two girls of the same nature; one who’s extremely good looking and the other one who’s average, I’d obviously prefer the former.
But what distinguishes a person of virtue from that of a bad person is the following :-
a good person would definitely reject the average looking person with respect. And not term them a pervert or shove any baseless remark about that person.
I’m not saying all girls think like that, but there are still quite a number of such girls prevailing everywhere. If a not so good looking guy’s trying to lend you his hand in case you’re in need, please don’t always misunderstand his gesture, because it hurts.
Edit – I was not expecting such a good response from this write up of mine, thank you so much everyone !
This picture from one of Ayush Verma’s answers can sum up the whole point.
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