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  1. I worked on a PHP project a few years ago that I had taken over from another developer. I was lost on the first day trying to figure out the most brutal way I could murder that guy.

    His code was a monster in itself. No structure, no design and full of variable names such as “adpw”. Every file was a full webpage with all the server-side code and JavaScript in there. I would find random HTML closing tags that I couldn’t pair with an opening tag.

    And the manager needed the updates I was tasked with, two weeks ago. The dashboard file was named dash.php and it was over twenty-thousand lines long and full of stuff like this:

    name;
    $ad->id;
    }

    ?>

    What in the name of shitty code is this thing supposed to do? The page itself rendered everything on a table. No CSS at all! This guy could have easily just gotten a web template and used it, but no, he opted for structuring an entire webpage using tables. I’m talking tables within tables within other tables next to other tables.

    I asked if they’ve ever tested it and the manager said he had seen the demo. How the heck did this guy manage to demo this piece of shit? I tried doing some incredibly crude hacks to piece enough bits together so I can add another page and add the features he wanted.

    Two weeks into the job. I can’t take it anymore. I go to him and ask him to describe what exactly he wanted the system to do. We sat with him for the rest of the day as he told me what he wanted. My suggestion was to set that code on fire and do the whole thing from scratch in Laravel. To which he eventually agreed.

    Some of the worst nightmares I’ve had were literally about that code. It was like an entangled mess of functions and HTML suffocating me.

    Shitty, crappy, only-God-knows-how-it-works code! That’s your answer. Code from hell is a coder’s worst nightmare.

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